I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
