Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
