Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
