it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
