I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
