I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
