Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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