saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
