three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
