I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
