I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
