Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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