I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
