yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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