Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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