thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
