Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.

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