No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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