Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
