Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
