It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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