turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
