I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
