We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
