My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
