I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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