At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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