she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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