i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
