My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
