we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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