the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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