My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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