How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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