I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
