I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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