office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
