A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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