If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
