Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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