I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
