she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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