i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize