Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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