I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it hurts more in the daytime
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
