No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize