I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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