Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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