We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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