Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
