I think i peed on brittanys purse
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
