Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
