after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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