I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
