i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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