your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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