i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drunk is not a location!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
