do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
