I'm gonna have a badass scar
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
